Dating Tips for Cheating Victims
Learning to trust again after a long time partner cheated on you is difficult, but necessary. In order to sustain a healthy long term relationship, the kind you’d hoped to have with the cheating partner, you must first let go of the past.
They say that those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it, but it’s equally true that those who dwell on the past are condemned to relive it. So here are a few pieces of advice that will help you move forward into your next relationship and get what you want out of it.
First, Reach Cheating Forgiveness
Forgiving cheating means forgiving yourself. You may be wondering why you have to forgive yourself, after all, you’re the victim, you did nothing wrong. But no matter how clean your hands are, there’s a part of you that resents yourself for the fact that you wasted however many years or months of your life dating or married to someone who was screwing around behind your back. Part of you is going to take it personally too. Questions like: “Am I not good enough?” “Am I not sexy enough?” are going to get into your head during this period. The sad truth is that cheaters cheat compulsively. There is nothing you could have done differently to prevent it from happening, and no matter who they’re with, they’re always going to be thinking about the next person they can get with.
In other words, it would have happened to anyone. Cheaters are misguided folks that think in order to have sex with multiple partners they need to feign being in a monogamous relationship with them. When they discover that there are plenty of folks out there that have no interest in monogamy, they eventually find a niche that works for them and does not leave a trail of bruised egos in their wake. Forgiving them means shrugging off their lack of self-awareness as a life lesson, and remembering not everyone plays those sort of games.
Meet New People (When You’re Ready)
When you’ve come to terms with the fact that their cheating is not your fault, you can meet new people and begin to forge new healthy relationships for yourself. If you’re still stuck on the betrayal part, you’re not ready. If you’re in a place where you’re constantly looking over your next partner’s shoulder and questioning their every move and motive, you’re not ready. If you’re thinking about hacking into their email or wiretapping their smartphone, you’re not ready. If you’ve planted a bug in their apartment, you’re not ready.
If you can give your next partner the benefit of the doubt, you’re ready.
Rediscover Your Sense of Self
It’s particularly important if you’ve been lied to repeatedly and told that you’re just being silly, crazy, paranoid, or stupid, to relearn to trust your instincts again. Surviving a relationship with that kind of cheater means years of rebuilding your sense of self and your confidence. It won’t be easy, but good things have a way of coming to folks who are patient and open hearted. Sometimes it only requires you to take a leap of faith even when it may be against your better judgment to do so. In time, you will learn to love again, but be patient with yourself, do not be critical of yourself, and trust your instincts because they were right all along.