Are you dating a high maintenance woman who’s sending you mixed signals?
She rarely returns my calls or texts unless she wants something.
She shops like it’s going out of style.
My friends think she’s shallow and only after my money.
Am I just being taken for a ride?
If you’ve ever had the forwardness (or foolhardiness) to pursue a relationship with a high-maintenance kind of woman, these thoughts have probably run through your mind every other day. It’s no surprise that she caught your eye in the first place – divas tend to have that affect wherever they go – but what do you do when you feel like she’s exploiting you?
There are plenty of hot girls looking for their next sugar-daddy, prowling Washington’s best dating sites for the biggest catch. Of course, some women simply enjoy the thrill of being chased, and some men enjoy the chase more than the actual prize. Expensive gifts and lavish entertainment can really heat up a budding romance, but not everyone who enjoys the finer things in life should be branded as shallow.
To be fair, ‘high maintenance’ is a term that can be applied to men and women alike. There are high maintenance employees, high maintenance CEO’s, and high-maintenance children too (we call them spoiled brats). So why do high maintenance women specifically get such a bad rap?
I came across an interesting article in Forbes Magazine that listed the thirteen most unflattering character traits of high maintenance people. It occurred to me that many of the traits described – excessive talking, insecurity issues, spitefulness, melodramatic behavior – are actually the characteristics used to describe high-maintenance girls.
When you’re exploring the dating scene here in Washington , whether you consider yourself a Don Juan or you’ve been out of the saddle a while, dating a high maintenance girl can feel like an exercise in futility, kind of like owning an expensive Lamborghini you can’t really drive because of the high insurance. You spend a lot of time and money on its care and maintenance, but it doesn’t actually do anything for you to warrant the investment.
If you are in a situation where you feel like the woman of your dreams (or for the moment) is exploiting your wealth for her personal gain, maybe you’re dealing with a person who’s trying to compensate for poor character through material possessions and a sense of higher social status. She’s spending your money and enjoys things she can’t afford at your expense because she’s probably immature and has little consideration for your feelings.
Does dating a diva make you a dummy?
There’s a big difference between dating a high maintenance girlfriend and a woman of taste. Appreciating fine art, music, expensive clothes or quality items isn’t a character trait, but a habit you develop based on your experience and tastes. Spending $10 on a quality paint brush would be ridiculous to me, but an artist dedicated to their work might consider it a great investment. A person who grows up experiencing fine dining exclusively might have a hard time appreciating a fast-food meal (even after a hang-over). They’d much rather spend $100 on a good steak than $10 on a happy meal, but does that make them “high maintenance”?
I hear guys on the dating scene complain about how much their ‘diva’ girlfriend spends on shoes, purses, and make-up. Divas can be demanding and obsessive about their appearance (and yours), but there are women as equally meticulous about their appearance as they are about the friends they choose, their career path, and everything else that matters to them. They demand the best and appreciate the best of themselves as well as others because, at their core, they believe they’re entitled to the best life that has to offer. Settling for second-rate alternatives feels like a betrayal of their values. A woman of taste doesn’t just lavish attention on herself but others as well. They may spend a lot, but they’re not frivolous.
My point is that dating a high-maintenance girl isn’t the same thing as dating a woman who appreciates the finer things. Relationships are built on common values and goals. If you connect with a girl as a result of your possessions or social status, your relationship will become a power struggle, one in which you must constantly negotiate for your emotional and physical needs by buying gifts, complimenting her looks and accommodating her unreasonable whims. Buying affection or exploiting others for sexual favors is just as bad as exploiting others for their resources or social status.
Dating a hot girl who likes nice things doesn’t mean you should expose yourself to being emotionally and physically exploited. If you’re seeking a meaningful relationship, poor character traits like frivolity, gossiping, and insensitivity are warning signals that your money and affection would best be served somewhere else. If your affection for her is genuine and you find pleasure in lavishing your time and resources on her, just make sure your generosity and attention are genuinely appreciated.